And not to be gaslighted for wanting it. Hoping our daughters can learn from our mistakes. Just don’t do it. Don’t be with anyone who does not respect you enough to understand all of these things. $5,000 LOL - FUCK OFF
This is lovely and spot on for all the younger moms. What do moms whose children have flown the next want? Time with their children. And grandchildren. Call or text your mom, call or text your grandma. Make time for in person visits, especially if you live nearby!
A few years ago, when my husband asked me what I wanted for a holiday (don't remember if it was my birthday or mother's day), I said, I wanted a hotel room for a night so I can sleep all night and wake up as late as I want.
He then proceeded to try and make plans for me to go with the mom next door to a spa/massage appointment together (no hotel room, no alone time). He literally could not even process how much I wanted to be ALONE so assumed he knew better what would help me to relax. I also think he did not want the prospect of me being gone all night because then he would have to get up with the baby and wake up at the crack of dawn with the kids, which he has done maybe a dozen times (because I had to travel for work, not so I can go relax in a hotel by myself) in 9+ years.
The thought of having to go to a spa and undress and have people touch me while with my NEIGHBOR who I BARELY KNOW is the most horrendous possibility imaginable.
But, he thought I would like it because some women like that stuff I guess and in popular culture that seems like what women do to relax or whatever (because of course all women want the same stuff and are completely interchangeable, not their own people at all).
Of course I put a stop to the spa plans and then I got nothing - no hotel room, no gift, nothing. GREAT. Now I expect nothing for any holiday so I'm not disappointed.
If you don't intend on getting someone what they want when they ask, please do not even bother asking. I would have been fine with getting nothing - I don't want gifts or anything - but if I tell you something I actually want and you completely ignore it, that's way worse than getting nothing.
I spend the entire mothers day solo! I go to the botanical gardens, lunch at my favorite restaurant and a movie. This year, I'm lucky because my mom will be with me in the same state!!!! She and I will go to the botanical gardens, lunch at our favorite spot and the art museum!!! It's the best day every year . A day of celebration of myself, time alone, time to eat uninterrupted and time for well....time. enjoy yourself, treat yo self!
What a story arc! I'm sorry he didn't get it...this time. Butand I'm here to ask if you are ready to give it to yourself? And not wait until next Mother's Day! Why not say "I still need the break I was looking for last week" and make the plan, book yourself the room, and show him you really need a break and will have it! I had a friend 20+ years ago who used to take a "Lissa" day every quarter...a full day on her own, massage, lunch, a walk in the park, time with her journals, whatever...and I started a similar habit. Never got to the point of doing it quarterly, but when my daughter was young and at home I at least practiced the art of Taking the Time I So Needed. It's HARD in the beginning, but mostly because we don't have a lot of examples, and our households are set up without that expectation. Husbands are teachable, and maybe when he sees how happy and refreshed you are he will be able to envision such gifts going forward!
Women still work the “second shift” once they come home from paid employment. I used to dream of alone time when my kids were little and often made the request for Mother’s Day even with people around me judging me! It took about 2.5 years of joint custody for me to miss them on the weekends that I didn’t have them. I was so exhausted.
And not to be gaslighted for wanting it. Hoping our daughters can learn from our mistakes. Just don’t do it. Don’t be with anyone who does not respect you enough to understand all of these things. $5,000 LOL - FUCK OFF
It's so insulting!!
Yup. When asked, What do you want for Mother's Day this year, I said, SILENCE, that someone else figures out how to arrange for me 🙃
Such a small ask...and yet...
This is lovely and spot on for all the younger moms. What do moms whose children have flown the next want? Time with their children. And grandchildren. Call or text your mom, call or text your grandma. Make time for in person visits, especially if you live nearby!
My kids are early 40’s now and I still remember the eye rolls with my answer to what I wanted on Mother’s Day - “your help and cooperation”
Husband never did understand that…
Just ordered my copy! Can’t wait!
A few years ago, when my husband asked me what I wanted for a holiday (don't remember if it was my birthday or mother's day), I said, I wanted a hotel room for a night so I can sleep all night and wake up as late as I want.
He then proceeded to try and make plans for me to go with the mom next door to a spa/massage appointment together (no hotel room, no alone time). He literally could not even process how much I wanted to be ALONE so assumed he knew better what would help me to relax. I also think he did not want the prospect of me being gone all night because then he would have to get up with the baby and wake up at the crack of dawn with the kids, which he has done maybe a dozen times (because I had to travel for work, not so I can go relax in a hotel by myself) in 9+ years.
The thought of having to go to a spa and undress and have people touch me while with my NEIGHBOR who I BARELY KNOW is the most horrendous possibility imaginable.
But, he thought I would like it because some women like that stuff I guess and in popular culture that seems like what women do to relax or whatever (because of course all women want the same stuff and are completely interchangeable, not their own people at all).
Of course I put a stop to the spa plans and then I got nothing - no hotel room, no gift, nothing. GREAT. Now I expect nothing for any holiday so I'm not disappointed.
If you don't intend on getting someone what they want when they ask, please do not even bother asking. I would have been fine with getting nothing - I don't want gifts or anything - but if I tell you something I actually want and you completely ignore it, that's way worse than getting nothing.
I spend the entire mothers day solo! I go to the botanical gardens, lunch at my favorite restaurant and a movie. This year, I'm lucky because my mom will be with me in the same state!!!! She and I will go to the botanical gardens, lunch at our favorite spot and the art museum!!! It's the best day every year . A day of celebration of myself, time alone, time to eat uninterrupted and time for well....time. enjoy yourself, treat yo self!
What a story arc! I'm sorry he didn't get it...this time. Butand I'm here to ask if you are ready to give it to yourself? And not wait until next Mother's Day! Why not say "I still need the break I was looking for last week" and make the plan, book yourself the room, and show him you really need a break and will have it! I had a friend 20+ years ago who used to take a "Lissa" day every quarter...a full day on her own, massage, lunch, a walk in the park, time with her journals, whatever...and I started a similar habit. Never got to the point of doing it quarterly, but when my daughter was young and at home I at least practiced the art of Taking the Time I So Needed. It's HARD in the beginning, but mostly because we don't have a lot of examples, and our households are set up without that expectation. Husbands are teachable, and maybe when he sees how happy and refreshed you are he will be able to envision such gifts going forward!
Women still work the “second shift” once they come home from paid employment. I used to dream of alone time when my kids were little and often made the request for Mother’s Day even with people around me judging me! It took about 2.5 years of joint custody for me to miss them on the weekends that I didn’t have them. I was so exhausted.