My Letter
on bi erasure and bi pride
I’m wrapping up Pride Month with this comic on bisexuality, myths and stereotypes, bi erasure, and what my bisexuality means to me. Happy Pride, everyone! Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
Thanks for reading! A couple quick things:
In case you missed it, I have a new comic on abortion bans disguised as safety measures and what’s really dangerous over at The Audacity.
If you liked this comic and want to read more like it, you can pre-order my book, GRAPHIC RAGE: Comics on Gender, Justice, and Life as a Woman in America!
If you’re interested in learning to make comics of your own, I teach a class called Comics For People Who Can’t Draw! I’m running the one-day version in August and the 6-week version starting in September. The six-week always sells out, so if you’re interested, grab your spot early!
And if you don’t already follow me on Instagram, you should!
As someone who has never really explored her sexuality (and is decidedly cis, and has only been in hetero relationships), this is just one of the reasons I’ve never tried to find my label. It sometimes feels like a “boys club” in the sense of the gatekeepy-ness. I’ve seen this story so many times over, and it’s so disheartening to feel like I’ll just never be “queer enough” to be part of the club.
My resolve instead is to just let myself be unapologetically me, and not try to find my fit in anyone’s labels. Because I don’t need to explain it to anyone, I can just feel it for myself.
I really appreciate you sharing! I think more people need to know/realize that this is happening and remember that the point of inclusion is… well inclusion! If we have restrictions on who qualifies to be included or fit under a specific label… are we even doing the thing we want to be doing? Sexuality is fluid and trying to force it into a specific shape for it to “count” is just painful for those involved, instead of freeing and affirming.
I came out as "bi" back at university in the early '80s in England. My friends were all like "Oh, you finally figured it out?" While I had both male and female partners at university, I didn't really start _dating_ guys until I was in my late 20s, and then in my late 30s I met and married a woman and we're still together 26 years later. Some of the early discussions around my sexuality were hard for her -- but she's become a great ally and has accompanied me to Pride each year. This year we both volunteered for Free Mom Hugs at Pride, which was a wonderful experience.
But, of course, being in a straight-presenting relationship, especially as a married couple, means that I have to come out over and over again, and deal with all the "how does that work?" questions. Fortunately, my wife has gotten very comfortable about explaining her queer husband to people!